|BayWorld - All about Green Bay||Newsletter|
August 2003 Newsletter
|Tour De Frank looks like
The 1st annual Tour De Frank is now in the final planning stages with an expected starting date of Oct 1, 2003. The locally organized event is being promoted as a tribute to the Tour De France although with several distinctive features. Unlike the Tour De France, the Tour De Frank will feature motorcycles instead of bicycles and its stages will consist of a series of drinking stops at selected area taverns along predetermined routes. For example, stage one is expected to be particularly grueling, covering the Olde Main Street area from BB’s on Elizabeth and Main to SpeakEasy’s at 1118 Main .
Frank Cuene, tour organizer and event namesake, explains that whereas the Tour De France is an athletic event, the Tour De Frank is primarily a social drinking event. “There will be no winners, only participants, although after a few stops, there will surely be some losers.” Cuene further explained “I like motorcycles, I like liquor and I like weapons. Obviously these three can be a bad combination so for safety reasons helmets are required but firearms are optional.”
|City Councilman joins
Having been frustrated in attempts to put downtown brat vendors out of business, Green Bay city councilman Guy Zima is now considering opening up his own brat business.
An unnamed source with access to information about the venture says Zima is serious and intends to market his ZimaBrats within 3 months. The source said he had sampled some test brats and “...they were large and bloated with a thin skin and were filled with hot air, filler and lard. The brats don’t look too good or taste very good and if poked will likely explode. On the positive side, Guy says they’ll be cheap.“
Another source familiar with Zima and his ZimaBrat project said, “it doesn’t surprise me that Guy would make his brats in his own image. He’s a low class overgrown obstructionist gas bag who is almost always full of crap. These ZimaBrats sound like a perfect fit.”
|Davenport: I dung no
Supporters of Green Bay Packers fullback Najeh Davenport recently indicated that Davenport had completed terms of a 2002 plea agreement on felony burglary and misdemeanor criminal mischief charges. The agreement called for Davenport to perform 100 hours of community service in the form of running one or two football camps where he grew up in Overtown, FL.
The former University of Miami player had been accused of breaking into a Berry University dorm room and defecating in a women’s closet. Student Mary McCarthy, asleep in her room, told police she was startled awake by a strange noise and saw a man squatting in her closet. The man, later identified as Davenport from a football yearbook photo, had defecated in her laundry basket, police said. Davenport denied the charges.
After the plea hearing in October 2002, Davenport asked “Where’s the evidence? Where’s the manure? All that stuff’s build a case against me, they don’t have.”
Police in suburban Miami Shores, where the small Catholic University is located, did not preserve the feces. Police Sgt. Robert Knowles said the feces could not yield DNA evidence and would have been useless as evidence. A witness to the sample said it was unusually large in size. The witness half jokingly added “Considering the size of the deposit, it could be considered assault with a deadly weapon.”
Experts have come forward disputing the police contention that DNA samples could not be obtained from the feces. Human feces does contain DNA and has been used in forensic investigations. However, samples generally need to be relatively clean to extract DNA and the contamination of a basket full of dirty clothes diminishes the potential of collecting a viable sample.
Without the feces as evidence, the case against Davenport would have been difficult to prosecute. The defense strategy could be summed up as “If you don’t have the shit, you must acquit.”
Despite the difficulty with the prosecution’s physical evidence, an attorney familiar with the case said Davenport’s best option was to get a quick disposition like he did. “It’s obviously a very embarrassing situation. People were starting to call Davenport names like The Dapper Crapper, No. 2 Man, Sir Crapalot and Davenpoo. The best thing for Najeh was to put the whole thing behind him quietly and quickly.”
|Behold the Cavern Club
The Cavern Club of Green Bay reports strong business and a growing clientele after it’s first several months of operation. Co-owners Mike Watson and Chris Hansen opened the Beatles themed bar in April with cautious optimism. Hansen had extensive previous experience in the bar business while Watson had extensive previous experience parking his butt on bar stools and guzzling large quantities of liquor.
The bar, at 1264 Main St., was formerly called Buddies and is a short distance from the location of the old McSwiggens bar which was Hansen’s first tavern venture.
With a couple of positive write-ups in the local newspaper, business has been so good that patrons often have to stand in waiting lines outside.
|Jasper the monkey
With the help of a primatologist, Jasper the monkey has been able to voice his concerns regarding his Green Bay residency problems. Peter North, a primate expert with the renowned Iowa Primate Research Center met with Jasper three times over the summer to assess communication capabilities. North said Jasper is a very intelligent Capuchin monkey fully capable of communication with humans. “By our second meeting I was able to establish a dialog with Jasper and he was eager to discuss a variety of issues.”
Jasper’s troubles began in April when he bolted to freedom from the Rock City Pub and became the subject of a very public search. By the time he was found, his owner, Spacie Jobelius, was slapped with costly citations for having an animal without a permit and having an animal at large. To make matters worse, the city’s animal control officer, Ellen Church, refused to issue a permit for Jasper, subjecting Jobelius to $500 a day in fines. Since then, Jasper has lived in a secret location outside the city. Jobelius has made daily trips to Jasper’s hideaway to change his diaper and put him to bed. “He sleeps right on my head—that’s what he’s used to. Otherwise he has fits,” Jobelius said.
North was able to communicate with Jasper through the use of lexigram panels where each lexigram or symbol represents a word. “Jasper was a prolific communicator, to the point of being verbose” said North. Jasper had plenty to say about his predicament. Following is a partial summarization of Jasper’s dialog compiled by North:
“the lack of a stable home environment is distressing me. I can’t understand how the city could banish me when I haven’t caused any problems at all. yes, I admit I took off from the Rock City Pub for a few days. I saw an opportunity to look for some action and took it. does that make be bad? i now realize I could have ended up as cat food in some back alley so won’t do it anymore. as for Spacie, I really appreciate her taking care of me and all but she’s a dope smoking tramp with the common sense of a banana peel. i don’t sleep on her head just to be close to her, to a Capuchin monkey it’s a form of domination. i plant the ol’ brown-eye (anus) right on her head signifying superiority. and I don’t like this diaper situation. so I throw a little feces around every now and then. so what? it’s a natural by product of a natural bodily function. it’s as normal as the hair on the palm of your hand. can’t we all just get along?”
If Jobelius loses in her bid to keep Jasper in the city of Green Bay she has contingency plans to move to the nearby Village of Bellevue where regulations are more favorable for harboring a monkey.
|Stash of artifacts found at
Chris Hansen reports that several interesting artifacts were discovered behind a plumbing service door in the men's bathroom. Hansen indicated that after taking over the property which was formerly a gay bar named Buddies, the bathroom, which was in spotless condition, was left alone until recently. Items found included a blow gun, a half used 20 oz tube of jack lube, a small vanity mirror and a 5” x 7” framed photo of a teenage boy bearing a striking resemblance to Rob Holschuh. Hansen isn't sure what to make of the cache of sundries, but extends an open invitation to whoever left the stuff to come pick it up
|Pump Room bartenders need spark
The bartenders at the Pump Room in Allouez were recently voted dullest in region by an informal area poll. “The Pump Room could be an awesome bar to hang out at were it not for the complete lack of personality or sign of life from behind the business end of the bar” said one patron. “Most times, the unfriendly bar staff displays all the charisma of a soggy coaster.”
rocks Broadway district
Although the turnout was low the music quality was high for the first annual Warehouse Party to benefit On- Broadway, Inc. The June 21 event, held at a warehouse just off Broadway St. attracted only an estimated 300 - 400 people. “It was a low turnout but those that showed up had a great time” said a spokesperson. “The 3 bands were awesome, especially the Kentucky based Velcro Pygmies.”
As might be expected at a summertime event in Green Bay, beer sales were brisk. An average of 9.3 16oz beers were consumed per person.
Bored police let off steam
With low attendance, police assigned to the event became bored. Spirits soared when a drunken reveler volunteered to be the subject of a ‘Rodney King’ style night-stick beating.
Dirk Diggler was one of the last people to leave and witnessed the incident. “As I was leaving the warehouse some drunken dude was screaming over and over at the cops “I’ll be your dingleberry.” The word dingleberry must have been some code word for volunteering to be a human piñata because the cops were all over him after that.”
“The drunk guy was quite a gamer - after each smack with a stick he would yell ‘yes sir may I have another’. After taking a hellacious beating he eventually quieted down or maybe he was dead, I couldn’t tell.”
The police had no comment on the incident and attempts to track down the beating victim have been unsuccessful.
plays secret Green Bay Cavern Club gig
CNN.com/EntertainmentSaturday, May 31, 2003
Green Bay, WI -- Liverpool native Paul McCartney, on the road for the final date of his world tour played a secret gig at the city's Cavern Club on May 31.
The former Beatle played three songs, including "Let It Be" and "We Are Family," at the crew's end-of-tour party. Sir Paul's pregnant wife, Heather, attended the party, along with crew members and a few of McCartney's close friends and family.
The original Cavern was the notoriously crowded "swinging Sixties" smoky basement venue where the Beatles played at the start of their rise to fame. It was bulldozed in the 1980s. While touring in the U.S. McCartney heard about the brand new Cavern Club of Green Bay and decided to stop in and play a few songs.
Cavern Club manager Chris Hansen told the UK's Press Association: "Paul was really dancing the night away, enjoying every minute of the evening. "He was on the dance floor with Heather all night."
The club's dance floor was packed all night with many locals mixing it up with the McCartney entourage. Club owner Mike Watson recalled that Paul was pretty much a regular guy, "the old dude could still throw back shots of Crown".
Several days after the gig, a spokesman announced that McCartney had a wonderful time at the Cavern Club of Green Bay despite some rather overt advances made on Heather by someone Paul could only recall as "Bad Bob".
|Blue Hair Society
saves school from closing
The fledgling Green Bay Evangelical School has been rescued from severe financial problems by a sizable donation from the Retired Women’s Blue Hair Society. The school had announced earlier this year that it would be closing due to financial difficulties and low enrollment projections. School principle John Wadd said “ the generous donation from the Blue Hairs will allow the school to continue and flourish.” In recognition of the contribution the school’s sports teams will be named the Fighting Blue Hairs. According to Wadd “the name Fighting Blue Hairs actually has cross-generational appeal. In my generation it has a certain grandmotherly connotation but with the wild hair colors and styles of today, blue hair is actually quite common. The name can be both retro and cutting edge at the same time.”
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